Accidentally going to America

Seems silly now but I never really planned to go on holiday is the states, the dream was to it make to Sweden but an unpronounceable volcano exploded in Iceland and the ash cloud closed nearby airport hubs. USA wasn’t even our second choice, Thailand and Vietnam was the back-up plan until all hell broke loose in Thailand and I’m just not a fan of violent political riots. So as it turned out the US of A was the safest travel option. We did however opt to travel on the 4^th of July just so we could enjoy the full force of America’s security paranoia. Well, to be fair, we avoided most of the body cavity searches by flying into San Francisco and avoiding LA, it’s a direct flight from Auckland and I highly recommend it. Even transiting through LAX is a nightmare, avoid it, avoid it, and avoid it.

San Francisco is a great city to see, it’s in California but it’s always overcast in the CBD so if you want some sun then head over the bridge or out to the coast. Alcatraz is the main sight to see and with good reason, the tour is excellent and it will give you a new experience. Unless of course, you’ve previously spent time in a maximum security prison, in which case I suspect you would have been stopped at the border. The Golden gate bridge is worth turning your head to see, but it is just bridge, I’m not big on bridges.

After San Francisco we hired car and took a the long way to Vegas, we went down the pacific coast to Santa Cruz then cut back in to go through Yosemite National Park and Death valley. You could easily go further down the coast to Santa Monica and other such places but be sure to turn left before LA, it’s a shit hole and you won’t enjoy it. Imagine millions of people who see the world through the eyes of Tara Banks, that’s LA and it represents all that is wrong with the world.

Yosemite was very inspiring; I never knew the world was that big and beautiful. It is well worth taking a day or two for sight seeing but look out for bears. We spent some time in the woods going off trail and looking around in places we shouldn’t be in, just like all kiwis do, we laughed off the threat of bears and mountain lions. We got back in the car and just as we got up some speed a mother-fucking bear jump right out in front of the car and scared three courses of bad American food right out of my system! “Did that just happen?”, with the adrenalin pumping I carried on down the road feeling extremely privileged that the bear had chosen to have an encounter with us. It was possibly the biggest highlight of the trip.

Death Valley is another must do, it’s a big wide open valley that reaches 50 degrees Celsius at the peak of summer, lucky for us it was the peak of summer. The fun way to experience this delightful heat at home is to place your head in the oven and insert a hairdryer in your mouth. The oven only needs to be set to 45-50 degrees but hair dryer should be on full heat. I am possibly sounding a little sarcastic at this point but I sincerely recommend checking out Death Valley, it is pretty minding blowing and will give you a much better perspective on what you’ve seen in the movies. Unless you don’t watch movies, in which case don’t go to America as you’re far too boring to enjoy it.

I travelled on to Vegas from there and would love to tell about it, but what happens in Vegas truly stays in Vegas as I can’t remember a thing.